Genesis Continued

Chapter 4

This is the story of Alan.

1 When the Lord created Man, He found man to be too perfect and so created an alternate Man. This he called Emo. 2 The first Emo created was Alan and he became lord of Emo's. He would while away the long hours of the day in his lodgings listening to emo music. 3 On the day of cleansing he ventured forth from his home unto a Holy Clinic and so had a blood test. The blood taken from his arm was was a black and viscous liquid which oozed from his veins as is common with Emo men. 4 On returning from the clinic back to his lodgings he passed the group of Saints that the Lord had saved from cleansing. Saint Philip said unto him "Thou art not cleansed! How hast thou escaped God's wrath?". 5 And so Alan replied "My cunning has outwitted the Lord and I shall never be cleansed for I am Emo". At that moment the Lord appeared to them and said "Shut up, Emo!" an proceeded to lay the smackdown unto Alan.
6 Upon returning to their lodgings, The Saints of Stafford all gathered around a table and drank until bladdered and then decided to befriend Alan and try to change his ways. 7 They proceeded to Alan's lodgings and said thusly "Alan, come outside so that we may befriend you and put you on the path of righteousness" and Alan replied "Sod off, I am listening to emo crap". 8 And so the Saints left Alan to wallow in poor music.
9 The Lord then appeared to Alan and told him "Thou hast not become righteous, I curse you with not being able to resist playing the 2nd worst game of all time... EVE!" and Alan let out a howl of anguish. From this day forth Alan continued to play Eve while being ridiculed by everyone around him. However, Alan is thankful to the Lord each day for not making him play World of Warcraft.

10 Meanwhile, The Lord told Saint Philip of a worthy game. This he called Half Life 2. The game was thought to be far too righteous to be easily accessible to non-righteous people and so God created an incredible toil known as ResNet which would prevent the sinful from reaching such a wondrous game. 11 Only those with incredible patience would be able to reach the game and play. 12 Then Saint Philip spoke unto the lord " Why hast thou burdened me with such toil for I need to reach Source SDK to complete my work?" and the Lord replied "Too bad". 13 This angered Philip but he was helped through it by the thought of not having to use Unreal Editor again.

And so all was well on Earth and in Stafford. This concludes Genesis.